My year as a doula - 2019

Wow, what a year. Reading back my 2018 reflections is quite astonishing from my seat at the start of 2020. Ok, sure, it’s mid-February. Unlike Ruth of 2018, I do not care a bit how “late” this is. If you’re interested, you’ll read it and if you’re not then you won’t.

My January 2019 started with some dregs of postnatal depression clinging on, a year of mothering under my belt and fully embracing the new adventure of being a birth doula. At the end of the month I supported the second family in my doula journey and so enjoyed being part of their pregnancy story and feeling useful in those first few days of their baby’s life.

My goal when I set out as a doula was to support one family (other than my own) each month. I ended up supporting 17 births in 2019 and a few families postnatally too. I find it very hard to sit with those numbers, the facts of last year and come to terms with the fact that I surpassed my goal in my first year. I am proud of myself, but in quite a detached sort of way, because I know I should be. I have a habit of totally discounting goals if I am able to reach them; “well that must have been too easy a goal if I was able to reach it”. Anyone else? I have absolutely loved this year, the year I turned 30, the year I fell even deeper in love with my husband and got myself a new best friend in my little 2 year old. A really annoying best friend.

Highlights

I have met and been welcomed into this beautiful world by some incredible people. Too many to mention, and this is not, after all some kind of strange Oscar’s speech or an Acknowledgement’s page. But I’d really like to reel off some highlights if you will indulge me.

I had a wonderful mentoring journey with Doula UK, became recognised (a status that means that you have completed your mentoring journey and have joined Doula UK). This felt like the right path for me, and I have found having a mentor so valuable – I hugely recommend it to anyone considering becoming a doula. My mentor was also particularly wonderful I think, thank you Alison Edwards for all that you are.

Connecting with first, Laura Scarlett and later (but no leaster, obvs) Charlie Edun with whom I have been working incredibly closely with for almost the entire year. We have total independence and freedom, but also form a net of support, motivation and inspiration for each other on a daily basis. You can find us at www.thegoodbirthpractice.co.uk

Challenges

One of the biggest challenges of the year has been having emotional boundaries; and I think I foresaw this being a difficulty. Knowing when to put down my phone and dedicate my attention entirely to my family and my present moment has been a line, I have crossed many times. There have been many mornings that I have not made eye contact with my husband where I was texting back clients and checking in with people. There have been days where I don’t remember what happened in the day, except that I end it with a migraine, overwhelmed with thoughts of not being able to do quite enough for clients.

It has been, and continues to be a big learning curve; starting my own business, learning my professional and personal boundaries (which I’m sure will evolve forever) and making sure I can be the best version of me for whoever I am with at the time. I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity I have had to make this dream a reality, for the time I have been able to dedicate to my beautiful boy and for the privilege of being part of your pregnancy and birth stories. Thanks for having me.

Personal and Professional Development

I started studying for my Breastfeeding Counsellor qualification at the start of 2019 with the Association of Breastfeeding Mothers (ABM). They were the right choice for me because they accept doulas where some training bodies do not (in case we want to just make more from the training and not give anything back I believe), plus the training can be done remotely. I am halfway through (having started with the mother supporter module first), and it has been so rewarding and exactly what I had hoped. It is packed full of information and thoughtful hands on guidance from incredible experts.

The year held lots of exciting courses and development workshops. A few of which are; writing for birth workers with Rebecca Schiller, Waterbirth with Dianne Garland, Happy Baby Community NHS refugee support pilot training, BirthRights Human Rights in Childbirth Workshop, My Little HartBeep Pregnancy Relaxation Course Facilitator, 3 Step Rewind for Trauma.

I also got stuck into building communities and joining conversations. This took various forms, for example I attended the newly launched Maternity Voices Partnership at one of my local trusts in August, I facilitated the Birth Network meets for North Kent and attended Milli Hill’s Give Birth Like a Feminist book launch to hear some excellent people speak about politics in birth.

All in all, I am pretty damn proud of myself and so far, 2020 is shaping up to be a good one too.